reminiscing 2009, and welcoming 2010

Dah lepas raya....

Dah lepas kismes.....

Dah lepas tahun 2009!

2009.....the year when the reality of life and death struck me dead straight in the eye.

At the end of 2008, my wife's grandma passed away...

After only 2 months into 2009, my father succumbed to his level 4 cancer...

No matter what we do...no matter how much we have been told about it...no matter how hard we try to be a good son/daughter.....the death of a loved one will always remind us of our ingratitude, no matter how small, towards them. Little things like not being able to converse on the phone due to a meeting, not visiting them due to financial constraints, etc....all these are put in the spotlight when a loved one passes away (well, at least for me!). Then you'll start wishing you had done some, most, all things differently...to have done it better, harder etc....

You can go absolutely bonkers if you take all these little shouts and cries in you head seriously!

It is not easy coping with death, especially that of a close family member, and in my case, memberS, but my wife and I, and our immediate families, have found comfort in our prayers, and in each other. Accepting one's death goes a long way towards healing your soul.

Of course, the arrival of a newborn can also enlighten the heart and soul. My wife delivered our first baby on 4th April 2009. He was a big one, at 4 kg, and I still remembered how I felt the first time I held him in the wee hours of the morning. He was (and still is!) well behaved, not crying; just staring wildly to his surrounding, and then stared sharply at me when he realized the nurse had given him to me. Big, round eyes encapsulates his bold spirit, and even when I loudly pronounced the Azan to him, he didnt cry, and listened attentively. This was the child that had endured long, lonely nights with his strong mom......nights when I had to prep up the racing car in Sepang, nights when I was on call for work, nights when he was carried in his mother's womb walking home from the commuter station to our apartment whenever I was working, nights when I had to leave for my kampung during bapak's hospitalization.

He was here, our little bundle of joy and fighter. I aptly named him Ahmad Umar Mujahid, in memory of my late father.

That little bundle of joy is 9 months old today, and boy, he is a fighter in the making, actively going up and down the bed, exploring every nook and cranny in the apartment, trying his best to reach for things kept out of his reach....hehehe.....this is the boy that Allah has entrusted me with, and I will make sure he will get the best of everything.

Speaking of which, the best of everything nowadays mostly depends on how much you take home from work. Of course, if you had read postings prior to this one, you'll know that I had a problem on that front too! Suffice to say that I'll be doing background checks for all companies I'll be joining in the future.

And that future is here now. After extensive checks and assurance, I've finally joined a business intelligence company. After waiting for some time to get my work permit, I am finally going for my training. Of course, the catch is I have to go thru my training overseas.....which means my wife and young son will have to fend for their own for the next 3 months. This has got me really worried, as my prior arrangement to get my mum to live with them have failed due to my mom's health issues.....but my wife has been encouraging me to just do it, seeing that there is potential for me to fast track to higher management since this is a newly set up venture in Malaysia. God knows how worried I am for my wife and son, but opportunity like this does not come often. Guess I'll just give it a try and see how things go.

After all, as they say,"Its better to have tried and failed, then to not have tried at all".

So 2010 is starting out with a huge challenge, not just for me, as a husband and worker, but also for my wife and son. Here's hoping for a better year ahead.

"Ya Allah ya tuhan kami,
Tiada apa yang lebih kami inginkan,
Selain mendapat keredhaan-Mu dalam setiap perkara yang kami lakukan.
Sesungguhnya Engkau lah yang Maha Berkuasa, lagi Maha Mengetahui,
Dan kepada-Mu kami berserah."

Amin